My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
