Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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