I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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