Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
