That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
