Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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