I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
