I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
