covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
