He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is Oprah even human
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
