I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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