What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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