If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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