I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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