i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
