Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
