I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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