My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
