she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
