Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
