help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
