Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
