There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
