Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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