Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
