Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
