Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
