wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
