If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How does it feel to date your dad?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
