You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
