Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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