I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
