Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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