and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
