I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
