he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
