i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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