you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
