i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
