I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
