Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
