we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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