do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
