I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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