i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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