Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
