you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
