Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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