i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
