I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
