I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
