don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
